took out the gifts locked away for months in my closet

warm hands fingering them gingerly for a moment

until i put them away again, this time with white tissue paper and an orange ribbon

somehow i'm still able to make perfect bows

even though all i see is the tiny metal spoon with the long neck i used to feed her with

usually mashed bananas

she was old enough to say "no" to me then

but for some reason

i never heard those words form from her pretty pink pout

i'm glad no one else i know has one

they don't know

how soft she is

and how much those eyelashes tickle when they brush against your cheek 

wish i could tell these pieces of white tissue paper 

to wipe her tears for me while i'm away

little sister

but in my mind
she was always my baby.