taking the day off to prevent a future of days "off"

Being radical so I can spook myself into normalcy. Unfortunately, I only get things done when I trick my mind, for my mind gets the better of me so often that I no longer know what substance my days are piling over with - deed or declaration.


This is not a request for understanding salves nor my usual hair-tearing inquest to resolve the mystery of time's apparent inability to practice compassion. My heart, is hesitant by a lack of resolve. My fear has become my face for I would rather blunder forward with a pioneering spirit than to acknowledge that I am not willing. Not willing to use this time for what must be done in order to do what would love to be done. And yet - all I envision and paint with gazes and blazoned words will fall to pieces before I even have a chance to trace its jawline of existence. Because exist it will not, should I forgo my dedication to "its" chance to be born. 




Give me then - not hope, not vision, not taste, not direction - but the teeth-gritting, lamp desk buzzing, coffee surging, sentence by sentence by sentence admiring, joy.. of pure sweat and promise... to the beautifully delicate piecing together of a thought... that i may witness that process transpire with the markings of my own fingerprints... and watch this unfold with a deserved awe and gratitude of the power granted me..


to work. 


and bloody love it.